a mothers fear...

.... I know I'm not alone in this so if this is a battle for you - be encouraged!!

Fear is a constant struggle for me.. fear of something happening to my children, husband, parents, sisters, brothers, etc etc...

Ever since I found out we were expecting our baby it has been an even bigger battle for me. Having lost 3 precious babies before conceiving Theo I was on tender-hooks constantly during my pregnancy - fearing the worst!
I prayed and prayed and surrendered and surrendered and trusted God but it was something I had to do over and over and over again. Daily. Hourly. Minute by minute.

It was the sweetest moment when he arrived. Safe, healthy and totally perfect. I relaxed and enjoyed every precious minute with this darling child.

However sin is an insidious thing.. it creeps in and takes hold of your heart sometimes even without you noticing.. I was caught up in the delight of my baby and love of my family and wasn't guarding my heart and my mind.

2 Corinthians 10:5  ... bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ...

Slowly but surely my fears returned.. I would read a story of a child hit by a car and suddenly would want to stop my dear ones from biking.... or of a baby that had died of cancer and I was sure that this would soon be my baby... or a mama dying of cancer and icy fear would grip my heart and I was sure this would be me...

I had lost my peace. My trust. My assurance that I serve a Good God. 

I had allowed fear to rob me of Joy.

I had lost perspective.

I was speaking to a dear friend yesterday and she was such an encouragement. It is not enough to just discard those fearful, anxious, sinful thoughts - we have to surrender. Give them over to our dear Father who holds our hearts so tenderly... He has ordained ALL our days... we cant add even one more through worrying and fretting. 
Then we need to confess... repent for not trusting, not submitting not acknowledging that He has planned all for His Glory.
Finally... believe. 

Isaiah 14:24  Surely just as I have intended so it has happened, and just as I have planned so it will stand.

As God plans... so it stands. Yes any of these tragedies might happen... we have no guarantee of even one more day here on earth but I do have assurance that He has everything in His hands and I can fully trust in His Goodness.

I am reading more of Ann at the moment in a effort to change my thinking to one of Thankfulness and Gratitude.. I loved what she quoted from Julian of Norwich...

See that I am God. See that I am in everything. See that I do everything. See that I have never stopped ordering my works, nor ever shall, eternally. See that I lead everything on to the conclusion I ordained for it before time began, by the same power, wisdom and love with which I made it. How can anything be amiss.

The thing is... its not enough to just discard the fear, we must replace it with Truth. We must believe that God is in total control... that he holds us in the palm of His hand... that He has not given us a spirit of fear but of love, power and sound mind. We must dwell on that which is True and be anxious for nothing and believe with all our hearts that when we do this the peace of God which surpasses ALL understanding will guard our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Without God's Word as a lens... the world warps (Ann Voscamp)

Homemade Pasta

My charlie boy LOVES lasange... he would eat the entire dish all by himself if he was allowed to!! For his birthday dinner last week it was a no-brainer as to what we would have!! To make it extra special I made the pasta and then wondered why I don't make it more often!! So easy and so cheap and sooooo much tastier!

Here is my super simple recipe courtesy of this lovely lady.

Note - I used my pasta maker (which was a super cheap bargain from Kmart!) but this can also easily be done without one - its a great work out for those arms ladies!!

For enough pasta for a family sized lasange or fettucine for 2-3 adults.

2 cups plain flour
2 eggs
1 tsp salt

Pile the flour onto the bench and make a well in the centre into which you drop the eggs and salt. Fork the flour into the eggs until the mixture is a pliable dough. (Try to keep a wall of flour all the way around the eggs or they will shoot all over the bench!!)  You may not need all the flour as different flours have different abilities to absorb liquid so maybe use half a cup less to begin with and add more as needed.

When you have a soft dough knead it thoroughly for 5-10 mins or run it through the roller of a pasta machine 5 or 6 times. The dough should make a snapping sound when you cut through it.
If you have time leave it in the fridge for half an hour (but not overnight as it goes a very funny colour!)

Roll the dough out on the bench. It is an elastic mixture so stretch it as you roll and be assertive with it. When you have it as thin as it manageable trim the edges and dust with flour.

For lasagne: Use in flat sheets
For fettucine: Roll loosely and slice across the roll into ribbons.
For Ravioli: Cut circles or squares of pasta and brush the edges with water. Place little mounds of tasty filling in the midde. Lay another layer of pasta over the top and press down very firmly.

Two Months

Loving every minute with this adorable, scrumptious bubba...

xx

(p.s - many thanks to  the lovely Dee for the chair idea, hope you dont mind me stealing it!)